the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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