I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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