I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
