dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
