Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
