I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
