Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
