I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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