Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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