you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
