This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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