I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
