I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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