so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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