those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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