you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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