If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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