so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
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Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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