he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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