So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
