John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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