Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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