dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
