Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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