I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
