some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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