i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
