i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
