God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
