mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
