I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
