I want to have your abortion
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
