Her vagina should come with caution tape.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
