please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
