i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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