i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Success! We fucked roommates!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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