someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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