No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
