they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
