I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
