ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
