I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
