Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
