I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
