Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize