Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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