Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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