so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
