I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
