the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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