Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
