its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
