So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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