my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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