Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
