yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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