Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
