Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
