Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
