....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this will be a night to untag.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
