Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
