we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
