This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cut my penus on the lid.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
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