I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
