the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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