you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
