you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
